Feeling Blue

As promised and predicted, I am regretting my previous post. Although I know that it was important to me to get those words out there, I am understanding of the hurt the entire situation has caused. If I had it my way, there would never been any hurt. All would be skittles and and rainbows and nothing bad ever happens. However, I know that not only is this unrealistic and crazy, I know that without trials and tribulations there would be no growth. I can not shy away from my feelings, and my right and privilege to express them. I just want to say that it is NEVER my intent to purposefully hurt, harm or offend anyone. Friend, Family, or acquaintance. And I hope that anyone who knows me, knows that. And if I ever do or say anything that is hurtful to you, that you feel that you can discuss that with me. With all that said, I have to move on. What has happened has happened, and I can not change the past. I  can only look forward to the future God has planned for me and pray that I please Him in all that I do. God knows my heart, and I can only pray that others do as well.

NOW, MOVING ON!!!

As most of you know ( what few there are who read this) we are expecting our 3rd child this August. I will say that all in all this pregnancy was a complete surprise to say the least. However, after a few weeks of adjusting to the thought of another little head running around our house, we have become pretty excited. Crysta and Carter are SUPER excited to have another playmate. Carter is pretty obsessed with feeling my stomach to see if the baby moves, there are even mornings that I wake up and Carter's hand is resting on my stomach. While Crysta is determined that the baby will recognize her voice and talks to my tummy almost everyday, even hugging and kissing it. It warms my heart to see the excitement and gentleness my children have, and their eagerness to welcome another blessing into our family. We were able to discover that this baby was more than willing to cooperate in the ultrasound so we could find out the gender. Of course we just want a healthy baby. And truthfully the gender didn't matter to us, as we got ride of every last bit of baby stuff we had last summer. ( Like I said, we were not planning on having another baby!).. So, we are starting fresh, period. But everyone was excited to see the picture that distinctly told us, that this little wiggle worm in my womb is a Bouncing Baby Boy!. We were able to have a small gender reveal party with my big brother and his wife, who is also expecting their 1st child in September, and my parents. I have never had a gender reveal thing, but I guess these days that's the thing to do!
So now we get to find a place for this little guy to sleep. We will be doing some small renovation on our home to prepare for this. Crysta will be getting her own room, and Carter will be getting a new roommate. Of course I am looking forward to painting and decorating a girly girl room for Crysta and a boys room for Carter and the baby.! I'm sure I will keep updating as this process goes on..Thank goodness for Pinterest for inspiration. I will leave you with a picture from our gender reveal. more to come once my brother officially announces their gender! Thanks for reading!

" Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5: 22-24. 
 This verse has been heavily on my heart lately, especially the last part, IN EVERYTHING. I normally do not have trouble or issues with allowing my husband to be the head of the house. Leader of our spiritual growth, but there has been a few things that have come up, that I have found myself struggle with.
For the sake of privacy I will not dive far into specific details on these things, but I will touch on a few. As most everyone who knows me knows, I have a crippling habit to be a people pleaser. I know that you can not always make everyone happy. But being who I am, I try anyway. I won't compromise my faith, family, or beliefs for this purpose, but if it is in my control to please someone and avoid conflict I will do it. I deeply try to avoid conflict with anyone, ESPECIALLY family. And if I find myself in a conflicting position with family, I always feel terrible and beat myself up over it, even though I know it's OK. Conflict can be a beneficial and growing tool between friends and family if the right attitude is taken. Another characteristic about me, is I am not a vengeful person. I do not find the need or urge to "pay someone back" for hurting or offending me. Now I am not saying that my husband is either of these things. However, something very special and personal to us was released into public knowledge without our consent. We weren't quite ready for the news to be out, but it happened and that's that. I was upset for a while. And when I tried to talk to the person about it, I felt like no responsibility was taken, and it was blamed on me. That I should have made that more clear, when in my head it would have been common sense. Again, what happened happened, and it was out.
I spoke with my husband one day about this, and he told me that he too tried to talk to the person about it, and pretty much felt shut out. Like what he was saying didn't matter and his feelings about the situation were minuscule and pointless. His feelings kept getting disregarded and my feelings took the priority, even though I was not apart of the conversation. The conversation hurt my husband, deeply. He is not usually one to discuss his "feelings" about anything, so when he does open up, it's a rare glimpse into his heart. That day he tried to show this person that glimpse and it went un-noticed or acknowledged. Therefore, my husband decided that the next bit of big news we had, we would not share with this specific individual, and they would learn the news "though the grapevine". Despite my inward screams to go against him on this, I stuck by him and his decision. It bothered me more than you will ever know, and deep down I knew that the outcome would not be beneficial to either party. I did talk to my husband about this, but he stuck to his guns. Now, here is where my struggle was. I wanted to support him. I knew that he had been hurt, and felt the need to make the point. But I was also being affected by his choices, and I was not comfortable with them. So what would you have done? Would you have told the person anyway? Would I have been an un-submissive wife if I were to do the opposite of what my husband had called me to do?
This may seem silly to you. But once the news got out, and this individual learned of the secret we were keeping, my feelings were deeply hurt by their reaction. I will admit it was mostly regret and guilt on my part. I do not blame them for being hurt or reacting the way they did either. It was a silly circumstance that I should brush off my shoulders, but like I said, I hate hurting or upsetting anyone. I feel torn.
I love both parties deeply. I am stuck in a situation to where I do not know if I should step in an explain our actions to the person, but that would mean I would have to speak for my husband, which I feel is not my place. And I know this may be confusing because I am not giving details, I just needed to vent a bit. Any feed back is welcome. Thanks for reading! I will have a more exciting post tomorrow!

Pickin' up the Pieces.

WOW, almost 2 full years since updating. I wouldn't even know where to begin in playing catch up. As some of you know, I had started a blog I named " Dropin' Poundage'. It was meant to be a constant source and reminder to ME to stay on top of the healthy stuff. It was great for a while, for me anyway. Not many followers but that's not what was important. So that took most of my time in writing. 

I have always been some what of a journaler. Not 100% committed by any means. There are times, obviously, that I let some time pass, but I do find comfort and release in writing my thoughts down. I guess whether you, care to read them or not is the question. 

I keep a journal for both my children. I hope it to be a unique and appreciated gift for them when they are older. I enjoy going back and reading my entries from the past. If you are a parent, then you know that the little things slip your mind after a while. The journals help me remember. And believe me they are FULL of the little things. It's not always the happy stuff either, I be sure to add the hard and trying stuff, so they can tell their children one day that " I was just like you when I was your age". 

I originally started this blog as a way to update my Colorado and distant family on the progress of our lives here in Missouri. I want to apologize if I have let the ball drop on you. I will do my best to keep the news up and current! 

Now, another reason for me picking up the pieces of this forgotten blog is that we are about to have our lives change for the better for the 3rd time. We discovered in December that we were expecting the most UNEXPECTED gift from God. To be honest it took me a month or two to see it that way, but how else can you view the blessings of a baby. A precious, innocent soul trusted into your care. How can anyone take that lightly or regret that honor? Although Terrance and I were not even in the mindset of another child, God had another plan for us. It was a reminder that nothing in our lives is in our control. Now, 5 months in we are excited and ready to welcome this new little addition to our family. #3 is expected to arrive August 3rd. We are planning to have a small gender reveal with my parents and brother and sister in law this weekend ( they are expecting too!... my brother that is)! 

Crysta and Carter and blossoming into wonderful children. I thank God everyday for them. They are so sweet and pure. There is not a day I wish them to be anything other than what they are. I don't compare them to other children, or regret anything they do, good or bad. Crysta is finishing up her 3rd grade year, and Carter is finishing up pre-school. He will begin Kindergarten next year, and he couldn't be happier. 

Terrance and I will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary 1 month from today. It is hard to believe so much time has past. It has been an amazing journey. Full of trials and blessings, happiness and tears. One thing has remained constant throughout... Our love for God and our love for each other. Never once did we think of taking the easy way out of our struggles, and I am so proud and honored to be called his wife. 

I hope to keep the updates coming in the future as I am sure I will have a lot to share. Thanks for reading! 

hopeful

Terrance and I are hoping to get internet access, which means I will be able to keep up on this blog and my other blog I share with Tawn! Im excited about the new blog, and I desperatly need to update this one. The pictures are so old and so much has happend. Keep your fingers crossed that something works out.

Too Long

Has it really been 2 years since my last blog? So much has changed in our lives. I guess I need to review all my past blogs to see what I need to update. The sad thing is, I don't have a computer at home, so keeping up with this will be difficult. I enjoy venting my thoughts out, just not sure how many of you like seeing them? anyway, I hope to keep this up. We shall see. Thanks for reading out there...

Still here

Sorry to all of you who still check my blog.. As most of you know, We are without a computer at home, so my online activity is limited. We are all doing great.. I will hopefully add some pictures soon. Carter is growing like a weed, and talking all the time.. We don't know what he is saying, but he sure is animated in telling us whatever is on his mind.
He did have an accident with the coffee table. He fell off a chair and his top teeth went into the table. His gums bled all day, and by the end of the day he looked like a monkey. For a few days the entire inside of his mouth was black. Now, as most of you who know me well know, that I tend to worry and freak out about things like this. So when I heard that his teeth could possibly turn grey and fall out. I would find myself checking his teeth every time he smiles, and no matter if it was there or not I would see grey! He is doing fine and recoverd quickly. However, a few days ago I found him in his crib crying with bleeding gums again. Im assuming he was chewing on his bed, and knocked his teeth a little to hard. SO needless to say my freaking out has returned!
Crysta is still LOVING school. HEr teachers say that she is doing really well, and wont have a problem transitioning to kindergarden. They say she is a social butterfly and all the little girls in her class flock to be her friend. She is the same at church.
I have a part time job at JCPenneys. It was for extra money for Christmas, but they have decided to keep me on as a P.T. employee.. I really enjoy the interaction with strangers, and the exra money is nice to save up for a rainy day..
I will try to keep up with this better.. Thank you to all of you who check my blog. Im sorry it has been lacking.. I will end this with some good news I have recently been given. I know you wont squeel with joy or jump up and down like I did, but I hope you are happy too!!! I will start with the most recent:
Last night one of my best friends called me to tell me that she and her new hubby are expecting in April!!!! CONGRATS Brandie and TEd!!!
3 weeks ago my sister in law told me that her hubby was offerd a really great job in Springdale Arkansas. Im sad to see them leave but I am prayerful and excited for their oppertunity.. Congrats Tawn, D and Whitney!
A week before Christmas my brother Ray called me to tell me that I am inherting a new sister in April of 2010! Congrats Ray and Jamie!
About 6-7 months ago my brother called me to tell me that I was going to get a new baby to spoil and love!!! Congrats Chris and Ann!!!
So much good things happening so far in 2009!!! ITs turning out to be a great year so far!!!

Halloween

Halloween for us was 2 days long.. Crysta had a party with her class on Thursday. I could have went to it, but I thought that I would let her experience it on her own. But when I picked her up from school, she said that she wished I was there..Furture refrence I guess... But She had a good time, and came home with a big bag of goodies.Thankfully there were come healthy choices in there, and not all candy!
Friday both kiddos wore their costumes all day. Carter was pretty sleepy, but he stayed awake long enough for lunch, and visiting Grandma. We spent the afternoon resting before all the fun started... We took the kiddos by Angie Fredendals, then Ryan and Malinda Reeds house. We took Crysta trick or treating in Ryan and Malinda's subdivsion. We got started kind of early, so there weren't that many houses ready,but I think she got her fill.
After trick or treating, we took the kiddos out to Grandma and Grandpas for the night. While Terrance and I went to a hayride and bonfire. I think they had fun..
Whitney was a bumble bee, and got to reuse Crystas first costume! She sure looked cute!! I dressed up too. I just ug out some of my old Cheerleading uniforms. Luckily my warm ups still fit! haha.. It was a lot of fun!!!